It's A Little Bit Funny...

Dear LiveJournal Friends/Users,

Holy shit, eh? It's been about 4 months since my last entry and, wow, things are verrrry different. I love it. I've been back in Townsend for a few months now, I work at Market Basket (hopefully going full-time soon) and I still have the best friends in the entire world! =)

I suppose the one thing that's difficult with life right now is that I've fallen for someone I can't have. And I don't mean "fallen" like I have a little crush on him, I mean the whole 9 yards I am head over heels for this kid. Unfortunately, he has a girlfriend. As difficult as it is though, I love every minute of it. It's such a rush! You know. THat feeling that overcomes your entire body, the huge smile that spreads across your face, your racing heartbeat - it's amazing. And just thinking about them wakes up the ferocious butterflies in your stomach, it's crazy! The more I think about him the more I realize how much I really like him. His smile, his kind eyes, the way he truly cares and listens... ah, I could go on and on. =)

Anyway, I tried something last night for the first (and last) time: shrooms. It was crazy shit man, but never again. After that experience I've decided that I don't really think I want to have much to do with drugs. Sure, maybe a bowl here and there but I'm quite content with getting shitfaced on the weekends from now on. I don't know, pot was cool for a really long time but... I don't like the high as much anymore. It's like my friend, Mike said, he feels too old for that kinda stuff. I agree. It's like my life is finally in motion, I'm doing something (kinda anyway haha) but when I smoke I feel so lazy and unmotivated and I hate it! I don't want to be that stoner chick anymore. I mean, I work 5-6 days a week now, I pay all my bills, everything - I don't have the time, money or energy to be smoking all the time anymore. And that's ok. =)

Well, I gotta go get ready for the evening - who knows what's in store! Haha, I hope everyone has a good night! Take care!

<3

Well things are lookin' good... finally. As of right now, here's whats's going on in the life of Kim:
1. Dropping out of UMass
2. Moving back to Townsend
3. WOrking in/around Townsend (Mr. Mike's?)
4. Save up to take courses on body piercing =)

So yah, I've been having that awful, fake conversation with many adults I've run in to lately; "Oh... you're dropping ou?... why?" The disappointment settles in quickly after the intial shock. I hate that. Yes, I'm the kid that's different and wrong in every way possible in your eyes - deal with it. THey don't seem to understand how much happier I am now. I WANT to work for a year or two before I head back to school. Whatever, it's not their decision so they can judge me however they want.

Anyway, things have been so crazy that I hardly even noticed October. Today I went outside and it was absolutely gorgeous out. The foliage was so intense and vibrant and the air was so chilly and crisp. It's one of those days that reminds me of how much I love Fall. Does anyone remember when we were younger, in elementary school, when we would have a mini field trip outside? Especially in the fall because there was so much to look at and the teacher would always tell you to go find the biggest, prettiest leaf of them all. So you would, of course, and then you'd put it under a piece of paper and rub a crayon over it? That always looked so sick. Or using tissue paper to make trees in the fall? Hah, I miss being a little kid.

Yesterday, Tom, Justin and I went to Roll On America - it was amazing. I hadn't been there since 5th grade and everything just came back to me as soon as I walked in. The smells, the lame lights, the expensive food and the not-so-excited workers. We all skated for a while, it was such a good feeling, I could remember being there when I was younger and playing the chicken dance and my feet killing me at the end of the night. Haha, good times! But yah, Justin paid for all of us which was SWEET. We had such a good time! <3

Alright well, I gotta clean shit up before people get here tonight. Have a good evening everyone! =)

<3

What do you remember?
if you read this,
even if we do not speak often,
comment with one memory of me.
it can be anything you want,
good or bad.
just as long as it happened.
then post this on your livejournal.
see what other people remember about you...

I don't like this transition period I seem to be going through - it's a lot tougher on my mind that I thought it would be. It's just so... annoying. I'm trying to get everything all figured out and get things running smoothly again but there's so much that has to be done for that to happen. Plus the pressure from my mom about dropping out... lame. I'm sorry to all my friends for my attitude lately, I've pretty much been a huge bitch with emotional problems... my bad. I know I'll get my life straightened out soon enough, thanks for just being there and caring. =) You guys are my world.

Anyway, if you're cool - I'm having people over tomorrow night around 9. Before all that though, everyone's going to the Homecoming game at NM, join us! But yah, let me know if you'd like to come, I can't have too many people but ya know. =) Oh, and no brining random guys and chicks that I don't know... I fucking hate that. Thanks!

Alright, I'm out. peace.


<3

Yo dawgs,

How are things? Life is wonderful over hurr! =) I'm really excited actually because I just got accepted as a new Sales Representative over at CutCo!! *THANKS TOMMY!!!!* I'm going to be officially withdrawing from the University soon. I have to fill out a form and crap and return it to some office... and I still need to return my marching band uniform... hmm. But yah, I really think things are gonna change and become a hell of a lot better. I'm meeting up with my dad tomorrow instead of Saturday and we're gonna talk and what not. I don't believe my mum knows about all this yet but, my dad seems to completely understand. I think he knows that I haven't been showing up to any classes too.. whoops. I hate doing this but... I need to. Not everyone's made to go to college and I just happened to find that out the hard (and expensive) way. But life is turning around and taking me on a different path, and that's ok with me. =)

So, goodbye UMass Lowell! Good luck to all of you, I know you'll make me proud! =) You can call me once in a while too... I miss you guys already. =/ <3

Anyway, I'm at Tommy's right now. I'm staying here tonight so that I can just go meet my dad tomorrow morning. It should be pretty sweet, Tommy's at work right now though which is really quite gay. haha, just kiddin. But fer real, I have nothing to doooo! I'm listening to FOB though and, quite frankly, it's making me cream my pants... and I LOVE IT. =) I talked to Joe Waldrop a little while ago too and that made my day! Even better than getting accepted at CutCo. =) we miss ya joe! don't forget about us! =P

Well, I suppose I'm off, I hope everyone has a good night and uh, if I like you and you're around tonight, give me a call! PEACE OUT


much-o love,
Kim



cuz baby, you complete me <3

I just experienced the most wonderful weekend in a very long time. From Friday night to Sunday night I was surrounded by the people I care the most about having a great time. I'd say the only bad part about this weekend was having to say good bye to Joe. =( I hadn't been that sad in a long time.

Joe, pal, we're going to miss you so much. But we'll be thinking of ya everyday and probably quoting your every word the only thing we WON'T be doing... is your crazy, stupid shit, hahaha. But we'll miss that, too. You BEST come visit ASAP, otherwise we'll see ya this summer! =) love ya joe, take care <3

So, after everyone leaving for school and stuff, Joe's left us too. =(

On a different note, I really don't think this whole college thing is right for me right now... =/ I'm not quite sure what to do about it considering my parents are paying for EVERYTHING and we've got financial aid and loans coming out the wazoo. ahhh, I just want to be back home with my friends, even if it means I go to a community college for a couple years - I don't care. Maybe I can transfer to Middlesex next semester? I don't know... I want to get a job and just have THAT to worry about right now. I don't WANT to go to class, I don't WANT to be a college student - it's plain and simple. But how I can do ANYTHING about it at this point?! OH yah... I can't. I've been trying to get out of this rut for a while now - it's already fuckin October. I'm screwing myself over by staying in school right now - never waking up for class, not going to class, not showing up to be able to pass in homework. I hate it here - I hate it in Lowell, I hate it at school and I hate living in this house. I tell everyone I love school because in a way I'm not really lying - I love the concept of school. I would LOVE to be that student that DID show up to class and didn't slack off hardcore and I know I could be - but it's just not the right time. I slacked off in highschool too but that was easy to get away with. I don't even know how I got into UMass, I really don't. fuck man... i gotta shape up, somehow.

anyway, i guess im done bitching and moaning about my life. I hope everyone has a wonderful day!

<3

NOVEMBER:
Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun. Sexy and mysterious. Very skilled at making love. Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent personality. Messy, playful, secretive. Very emotional and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people easily and very social in a group. Fearless and independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, the greatest men are born in this month. If you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because they're one of a kind.



Yah... that's right.



=D

Ya know what feeling I think I really hate the most? Even more than being alone?



Feeling not good enough.




Like you'll never be pretty enough or smart enough or charming enough to even get their attention. That blows, because that means that they're completely looking right through you, like you're not even there. I guess maybe it's more frustrating than anything but dammit, I HATE IT. I just wish I had the confidence to march right up to him and just be like "HI I LOVE YOU!" although that MAY scare him away... but it's the principle of the matter. If I could read minds that would make things a lot easier too. It's all these things that I WISH I had or could do but don't/can't...

OK, this next thing is completely irrelevant to what I was just talking about...


Now, I'm not really the type that wants to jump into a relationship like "hi, how are ya? let's be together forever." No, no, no - I love to talk for hours about anything at all and do all that cuddling crap, I love that stuff. But apparently being a college student and all, I'm supposed to want to get smashed and fuck the shit out of anyone I meet. DAMN. But ya know what? I'm NOT your average college student! God, what I would give to be able to talk to a guy who cares about something more than getting drunk and discussing their previous hang overs they've had at school/work the next morning! WHO CARES?! I want to talk about music - bands, instruments, literature, I want to talk about things that matter. Not necessarily world peace or anything but ya know, things that matter to US. I don't know maybe I'm going about this all wrong and more than likely, I'm just a little impatient. But my mind seems to be set on this one, he seems cool and interesting but I can't make him like me, obviously. *sigh*

I hate to write in this thing to be a little emo chick wanting sympathy, that's not it at all, I just like to be able to get these things out. But anyway, I gotta go lounge around for another hour or so before I go out and PAAAAHHHHTTYYYYYYYY! =) Have a good night, everyone


much <3

100 THINGS....

1* First grade teacher's name:
Mrs. Suokko

2* Last word you said:
"band"

3* Last song you sang:
the Mamas + the Papas "Dream a Little Dream of Me"

4* Last person you hugged:
i cant remember :(

5* Last thing you laughed at?
John saying "let's meet up and go smoke some weed"

6* Last time you said I don't remember:
like 5 seconds ago ^

7* Last time you cried?
last week sometime

*PRESENT*

9* What color socks are you wearing:
not wearing any!

10* What's under your bed:
carpet

11* What time did you wake up today:
7:00 am

12* Current taste:
orange juice =)

13* Current hair:
straightened emo chick hair

15* Current annoyance:
i'm too emo for my own good, dammit!

16* Current longing:
a hug, a real one tho not that "oh! hugs! muah! love ya!"

17* Current desktop background:
hah, some baby with piercings and a tattoo

18* Current worry:
classes... =/

19* Current hate:
boys

20* Current favorite article of clothing:
my $5 green walmart tee shirt =)

21* Favorite physical feature of the opposite sex:
hands/arms or eyes

22* Last CD that you listened to:
my "workout mix"

23* Favorite place to be:
anywhere with my friends =)

24* Least favorite place:
my house (in lowell)

25* Time you wake up in the morning?:
usually sometime between 6:30 and 7 on weekdays... weekends like 1

26* If you could play an instrument, what would it be:
i play bassoon, flute and i sing, so there ya go!

27* Favorite color:
green and purple (fuck, why have just one?!)

28* Do you believe in an afterlife:
i don't really know, we'll see

29* How tall are you:
liiiike 5'6" ish?

30* Current favorite word/saying:


31*Favorite book:
"Go Ask Alice" or "Tuesdays with Morrie"

32* Favorite season:
fall

33* One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to:
my great Uncle Waldo

*FUTURE*

35* Where do you want to go for college?
i'm at UMass Lowell already!

36* What is your career going to be like:
hopefully, a high school band director with some arranging/composing/performing on the side =)

37* How many kids do you want:
2 or 3

*HAVE YOU EVER...*

39* Said "I love you" and meant it:
yes

40* Gotten in a fight with your dog/cat/bird/fish:
OH YAH...

41* Been to New York:
yup

42* Been to Florida:
yup

43* Been to California:
nope

44* Been to Hawaii:
nope

45* Been to Mexico:
nope

46* Been to China:
nope

48* Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day:
possibly

52* Do you have a crush on someone:
uh huh...

53* What book are you reading now?
the only books i'm reading right now are for school...

54* Worst feeling in the world:
being alone and like you don't have anyone that cares

55* What is the first thing you think when you wake in the morning?
fuck that

56* How many rings before you answer:
usually only 1 or 2, i dont know depends

57* Future daughter's name
Alexis --> Lexi

58* Future son's name:
Travis

59* Do you sleep with a stuffed animal:
hah... yes

60* If you could have any job you wanted:
something to do with music

61* Wish you were here:
yah me too

62* Future College plans:
continue at UMass Lowell and get my music teaching degree =)

63* Piercings:
eyebrow, nose, lip, tongue, vertical industrial, tragus, 1 cartilage and 3 holes on each lobe

64* Do you do drugs:
hah, a little bit

65* Do you drink:
uh huh

67* What kind of Shampoo and Conditioner do you use?
Pantene Pro-V Volumizing 2 in 1

68* What are you most scared of:
being alone

69* What clothes do you sleep in?
a tee shirt and shorts/pj pants

70* Who is the last person that called you:
John Paolilli

71* Where do you want to get married:
i think i want to get married at my church in townsend.. but we'll see

72* If you could change anything about yourself what would that be:
if i could lose a little weight i'd be much happier

73* Who do you really hate:
why would i answer that??

74* Been In Love:
I've been in love from a stupid high school teenger's point of view... ya know what I mean?

75* Are you timely or always late:
VERY timely, don't be late or I'll fuck you up

76* Do you have a job:
not so much

77* Do you like being around people?
yes

78* Best feeling in the world?:
being loved and loving in return =)

79* Are you for world peace:
i suppose but i don't exactly have FAITH in it ever happening... call me a pessimist!

80* Are you a health freak:
every once in a while

81* Do you have a "Type" of person you always go after:
i dunno, not really... well, the music lovers

82* Do you want someone you don't have?:
of course

83* Are you lonely right now:
a little bit

84* Ever afraid you'll never get married:
no

85* Do you want to get married:
yes

86* Do you want kids?
yaaah

*IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU...*

87* Cried:
nope

88* Bought Something:
i bought some lunch today

89* Gotten Sick:
no

90* Sang:
yes

91* Said I Love You:
no

92* Wanted To Tell Someone You Liked them..
...yes

93* Met Someone:
yup

94* Moved On:
no

95* Talked To Someone:
yes

96* Had A Serious Talk:
yes

97* Missed Someone:
yes

98* Hugged Someone:
no =(

99* Yelled at Someone:
I probably yelled at Tom... but only b/c i love him! =P

100* Dreamed About Someone You Can't Be with:
oh yes

Life is good.



Plain and simple.



=)




"sex me so good i say blah blah blah
work it so good i need a glass of watah"


Sorry, missy elliot is getting crunk on my CD player right now.. it seemed necessary to quote her.



bt-dub, mr. nick lawrence informed me that the new God Forbid cd came out today... aka go out and buy it now. =)


well, have a wonderful evening everyone!

much <3
KiM